Oddlabs Forum

Introduction:

Hello there. My name is Aloe Vera. Aloe for short. I'm a former viagra salesman recently turned viking. I decided to start writing down my adventures and lifestory. Mainly because I'm single and I don't like drinking. This my tale and I'll add more bits regularly... Or whenever my my chieftain Tulus tells me to. He's such a bothersome fella, never sign a life long contract with him.


A picture of me. Taken during the annual picnic/photoshoot.


13th January: Today was my day off. I always have Thors day off. It's quite nice and comfortable. In fact I stayed home in the town and spent my morning writing a poem. I'm a quite good poet you see. I call it "Rotten Fish Is The Best."

Snickering around my lair,
Eating my buffalo meat,
You're my beloved ones,
I quite like you,
FAIL and Muckypus.

14th January

Today I was in the kitchen of the ship. We didn't find any people to raid today. Luckily! So I got to just sit around and eat stuff. Otherwise they would make me throw food at people. We're currently working on a Food Warrior. It's quite boring though. Now another poem. I call it "An Ode To Love"

Sitting in the kitchen,
Eating some food,
Thinking about my girl,
She's very Naughty

15th January

Today I woke up to some bad news. Turns out my great-grand-uncle who somehow also was my son and my cousin.... Well he died. His name was Jorneim. Jornheim quite liked mead. So he had a keg of mead, took a piss and went to bed. He died this morning when he slipped in his own urine and cracked his skull on the keg.

A poem to Jorneim:

My only son and cousin,
I'll truly miss you,
You was pretty cool
But too mucky for my taste

18th January:

Due to spinal injuries obtained during a midget throwing contest. Actually we didn't throw around with midget, we used this fella called Andrew. Quite nice fella in fact! Well back to the point I guess. I'll be retiring and thus my tale ends here. Here's a last poem:

Mew you all
You buckling sock mockers
I hate you so much
That I wish you all death.

DONE

It's Odin's day today you rotten fish addled fool!

I'm sorry for barking at you, I'm giving up Frosties. It is always nice to see new people on the forum, 'ello Vera. Though I do think your poetry ranks as the fourth worst in the universe, it's still early days and you've only published one so far. I wait in sticky trepidation of your next one.

I did, however, like the metaphor underlying the placement of FAIL besides mackypus on the last line and your poetry can only get better than this black hole, a downward spiral of depravity deep enough to reach lucifer's anus itself. Well not unless it becomes worse than vogon poetry.

Yours shaking violently,

Anders Goatsbeard

hoots man... I dinnae ken what you're gooin on aboot!
I'm off to buy a new kilt...

just call me "conner" dacre

Odin and Thor traded days over a game of checkers.



You're a crossdresser too? We can totally crossdress together.
________________________________

Just updated my log.

och aye the noo

So glad we gave you english... Got any oil left?

Well if you'll buy me a bowl o' rice pudding I'll steal some of Dak's tanning oil.

He puts it all on his hair.

Hair this good takes a HUGE amount of hard work to maintain.

Especially at your age.

touché

You'll need one of them as-well

For the last time, I don't want to touch you!

wat

Snickering around my lair,
Eating my buffalo meat,
You're my beloved ones,
I quite like you,
FAIL and Muckypus.

I think he likes you. Hell, you're in one of his poems. Maybe you should be worried.

P.S. Have they abolished Windows yet?